Our Changjing River-我们的长江

      We call the Yellow River our "Mother River" and we also see the Chang, jiang River as our "Father River" since these two rivers are the source of the civilization of Chinese people. Our remote ancestors lived along the river, so both rivers have witnessed the growth of Chinese people and they are our valuable heritage.
     My childhood is closely associated with the Changjiang River. When I was young, my father often took me to the riverside.I was always struck by the beautiful scenery of the river. The water was pure, clean and blue. Some birds flew down, scraped the water and roared up suddenly and some grass floated in the water quietly. Looking into the distance, I saw the river wandering toward the east. However, after the thunderstorm, the water was turbulent with some whirls in the middle of the river.The fresh breeze gave my face a feeling of moisture. Even today I still remember the magnificent scene and the impressive feeling.
     Some unpleasant changes have taken place since then. Many hills alongside the river have become bald. More and more mud and dust are being washed down into the river each year. Worse
still, driven by economic profits, some factories keep pouring pollutants into the river.
     Luckily people have been awakened to their obligation.They learn a lesson from the big flood in 1998 that we have to nourish our Changjiang River just as it has nourished us and protect it just as it has protected us. Only after a harmonious relationship has been established between men and the river can we prevent the tragedy happening again and restore beauty to our Changjiang River.

简  评
    本文中，作者描写了童年所见的长江上的美景，表达了作者对生态破坏，环境污染问题的关注。文章一开始，作者就把长江与黄河做了一个类比，把长江称为“父亲河”。作者的童年在长江边度过，因此第二段中描写了当时未受污染的长江上的景色：蓝色的长江水纯净、清澈，可以看见其中的水草，一些鸟在江面上来回飞舞；远处，长江水静静向东流，而暴风雨后，江水湍流，激起几个旋涡，清新的微风吹在脸上，感到微微湿润。然而，好景不长，渐渐地，江边的山秃了，大量的尘土冲入江中。更糟糕的是，周围的工厂向江中倾倒污染物。最后，作者引用了1998年发生的洪灾，提醒人们要饮水思源，保护环境，防止悲剧再次发生。
    本文不是单纯地写景，而是通过描写长江昔日的美景，提出一个深刻的问题，呼吁人们增强环保意识，提升了文章的立意。在语言上，作者把写景与说理自然地融合起来，展示了良好的写作功底。
    稍嫌不足之处是由于二、三两段之间意义上有一个明显的转折，第三段段首应该加上衔接词however，否则显得过于突然。
    (点评教师：黄莺)